I Want You Back

It was eight years ago, but I still remembered it like it was yesterday. Dakota was in the sandbox, sitting alone in the corner by the two poison berry bushes all the kids made up stories about. She was the only one there, everyone else was afraid, but Dakota, she was a risk taker. That was what I liked about her. Behind her cute pink clothes and porcelain doll face was a scamp. She was one of those little girls who insisted her hair was done right or her clothes stayed clean. She was prissy like that, but still liked to play and have fun. Even if she rolled down the hill by the blacktop all recess, she would get up with her brown hair perfectly in place and not a grass stain to be found. She could be seen as a bully or a “mean girl,” as most of the other girls didn’t get along with her, but in my eyes she was a goddess. Or more like a fairy, since we were only eight.
I trudged barefooted from the third grade recess door, across the burning blacktop and onto the spikey green grass. Dakota’s big hazel eyes stared back at me and my heart beat was a hundred times a second. She was so astute, she already knew I was headed toward her. She probably even knew what I was going to do. It must have given her some insight when she saw me holding my red guitar though.
I finally made it to her side, which I hoped was the hardest part. The dry hot sand climbed between my toes, “Where are your shoes, Carson?” Dakota asked as I sat beside her.
“I left them inside. It’s really hot today.” I replied nervously. I looked down at my feet, they were shaking.
Dakota rolled her eyes, “Well maybe you wouldn’t be so warm if you weren’t wearing that hat. It’s summer!” Dakota began making a pile with the sand, but it was so dry and hot out that the sand didn’t stick together and just rolled back down.
“Yeah.” I agreed. I agreed with everything Dakota said.
I felt beads of sweat on my forehead. That must have been the first time I ever remembered sweating. My heart rate must have doubled and I was shaking like a maraca. But Dakota, she was just fine. I’d like to think it was because she was so comfortable around me, and not because she didn’t really care about me at the time.
I lifted my guitar in my lap and began strumming cords. Looking back on it now, I’m pretty positive I wasn’t even playing notes, and they were just clashing cords. But back then I thought I was the best musician since Beethoven.  Dakota had a look planted on her face like she tasted bad milk, but she didn’t complain so I continued on. “Roses are red, violets are blue,” I sang, “When I look in your eyes, I want to kiss you.”
The lyrics echoed through the full playground. I waited for Dakota’s response, the greyish sky discouraged me. I felt like at least if it were sunny I wouldn’t feel so bad if she didn’t like me back. The sun and blue skies always made me feel better. I got up and looked toward the blacktop. All the kids were there jumping rope and playing with their Pokémon cards. I guessed I would be joining them. Just as I took my first step, I felt something soft on my cheek. I turned to my left to see Dakota smiling at me. Dakota kissed me. She gave me a real life kiss! I instantly overheated. My cheeks flushed to an unbearable state and I covered my eyes. I had this theory that if I couldn’t see her, she couldn’t see me
Dakota giggled and I heard her scurry away, but I still couldn’t uncover my eyes. That was my first kiss. I had actually thought I would be the one to kiss her, but I hadn’t even mentally prepared myself for that yet. I was thinking more like, grade 6 or 7. Nonetheless I was excited but also scared. Now we kissed, and to me, that meant I had to marry her.

Eight years later however, I found out that wasn’t the case for her. Once we reached the summer of grade 10, Dakota decided it might be best if we started seeing other people. I guess I sort of understood. Normal people didn’t date for eight years. But clearly we weren’t normal. If we could last through dating that long, and not have an actual reason to break up, I was pretty sure that we could last through a life time too. She didn’t have the same opinion though, and about a month later she was already looking for other people to start “seeing.”
“I mean, just look at them. All in love like that.” I slouched backward onto the stairs behind me. Ahead of us were about five couples hugging each other, flirting and doing whatever they could to waste the 5 minutes they had between classes. I swear this school had to be known for the amount of couples that came to be during a student’s educational period.
My sister Claira laughed, “Someone’s bitter. What’s gotten into you? It’s only the first day of school.”
I didn’t want to answer her. Claira was “besties” with Dakota and I was pretty positive everything I told one of them, they would tell the other. I remembered back in Christmas of 07’ I confided in Claira the gifts that I got for Dakota. Jump ahead to Christmas morning, at 3:00 AM. When I went to go eat the cookies Claira still put out for Santa, there sitting in the living room digging through present bags were Dakota and her brother, Travis. The two of them snuck out just to drool over the gifts a couple hours early.
I shook my head, “It’s nothing. Just having a bad day.” I replied.
Travis came barreling down the stairs, knocking down a ninth grader on the way down. “Why’s everyone so down today?” He asked. Travis reminded me of Tigger from Winne the Pooh. Super hyped up and no tact what so ever. “How about them couples?” Travis asked, pointing to the brown lockers where couples canoodled like nobody’s business. “Everybody gets together in the summer. Well except us three of course.”
“Three? What about Dakota?” I asked, slightly more panicked than I had hoped to. Travis and Claira looked toward each other. They exchanged a knowing look that really miffed me.  “What is it?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Claira didn’t answer, but Travis tilted his head to the right, motioning over the staircase. To the right of us was Freddie McBee. He and a bunch of his friends were standing by the stairs, dressed like they walked out of an Eminem music video. Their clothes always disgusted me, it was like they took virtually no pride in the way they looked. They were all white guys, but they insisted they wear bandanas like they were Cripz and Bloodz. They wore baggy jeans that practically fell to their knees and shirts that looked like they should fit a guy who as more like a XXL.
From the end of the hall, Dakota entered the school. She was wearing a white dress with a jean jacket. I swore she still dressed the same way she had since she was eight. Instead of joining us on the staircase however, she joined Freddie and his friends. Before heading down the hallway to class, Freddie enveloped Dakota in a hug, then brought his arm down around her waist. Freddie’s friends made kissy faces and chanted things like, “Game!” and my heart sunk down to my toes.
I turned back toward Travis and Claira. They both looked down, like they hadn’t noticed anything. That just made me even more disappointed. “How long have you guys known about this?” I asked.
“Probably a week ago.” Claira stated nonchalantly.
“But they were hanging out probably all summer.”  Travis went on to explain how Freddie only turned up around the night time or after I left, as I had hung out with them all summer. He assumed they must have been hiding it from me, since Freddie and I had a history of bad blood. It wasn’t that I initially disliked him, it was just that for some reason he had always had something against me. When we were younger if he wasn’t tattling on me for taking his toys even though I never did, he was pushing me down and making me scrape my knees when we played sports.
The news that Dakota and Freddie had been seeing each other made me want to crawl up in a hole and die. I kind of knew that my emotions weren’t all that mattered, especially when it came to relationships I wasn’t even involved in. But how could someone I considered so close to me do something like that? How could Dakota get together with someone like Freddie McBee? Freddie was the guy who pulled down my gym shorts in grade nine while I was doing pull ups for test day. Freddie was the guy who always tripped me back in grade 6 when my shoelaces untied. He was the guy who had been calling me gay since grade four and starting chanting teases in the cafeteria daily. How could she start seeing him, knowing very well how much of a jerk he was to me even while we were dating?
I felt Claira’s hand on my shoulder, “You’ve gotta move on, Carson.”
“Gotta move on!” Travis sang in the tune of Funky Town.
As a guy, my testosterone told me it was time to get back on that horse (or probably get a horse, as I had been with the same girl since I was eight) and find a new girl, but my emotional side (that my mom always complimented by the way) told me I couldn’t let go. That was the side that I identified with the most. It seemed more human. I didn’t want to move on from Dakota, but clearly she already had. I mean, it had only been one summer. A measly two months had passed, and she had already found someone new. And according to the words of Travis, the whole thing began during the summer too. For all I had known she could have gotten over eight years together in three days!
The first bell for class rang. Travis and Claira both stood up and stretched out their hands to help me up. At least I had these two. From the time we were toddlers they always had my back, since the day our parents put us down for our first play date.
Travis and Claira walked me down the staircase and into the hallway leading to the classrooms. The halls were full of students and teachers rushing to class. I dreaded the idea of making it to homeroom. I worried both Dakota and Freddie would be there.
“That McBee guy really needs a wakeup call though.” Travis began as we followed the other students through the wide brick hallway. “Picking on you for years and then stealing your girl too. I’d say he was jealous.”
Claira nodded, “Yeah, if only you had some way to get him back. Like, some kind of corny teen girl movie.”
Travis and Claira laughed, “Carson’s too nice for that though.” Travis smiled back at me.
I smiled back sarcastically. Maybe I was too nice. I could recall multiple times when Travis laughed along with Freddie and I still forgave him after. But that’s what guys were like anyway. They aren’t catty like girls are. But usually when guys seemed to have a beef, they would start a fight. That would be suicide on my end though. I had seen Freddie in fights, and he usually won, but he was usually suspended. The only thing I probably had over Freddie was that I actually had a brain between my ears. That and maybe a sense of style. If it came down to it, a fight between the two of us in my favour would have to be something clever. Something like dumping pigs blood on Carrie.

That same day after school Travis came over. I had no idea where Dakota was, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed she wasn’t hanging out with that delinquent.
“So why did I have to be here again?” Travis asked, slouching on my parents living room couch and lifting his feet up onto the brown dining room table. I swear I heard a crack when they smacked down.
I furrowed my brow, “Besides breaking my parent’s furniture? Helping me get back at Freddie.”
Claira entered the room from the kitchen, carrying a bag of Cheetos in her left hand and pink lemonade in the right. She sat down beside Travis, “During lunch today, Carson told me he came up with a plan.”
Travis laughed, “I thought we already decided he was too nice for that.”
“Well I changed my mind.” I replied matter-of-factly.
I pulled out my science notebook and went through a bunch of plans I had looked up on the internet during study hall. The plans in my mind seemed slightly juvenile, but if you’re target is juvenile, you’d have to snoop to their level. Claira looked as though she disapproved, with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised like she expected better from me, but Travis looked completely into it, nodding in approval. Claira always wanted to bury the hatchet and move on. Despite usually being able to give me advice and being level headed, she had a tendency to be a bit naïve. It was pretty unlikely that I would suddenly become all buddy-buddy with a guy who not only picked on me for years but stole my girlfriend too. It was my turn to get back at him.
“Well what’s in it for us?” Claira asked.
I hummed, “The satisfaction of finally seeing your twin brother triumph over his oppressors?”
Claira rolled her eyes, “Fine.”

We decided to start the pranks off small. Little things, so he wouldn’t notice too quickly, but soon we would become fully dedicated to the task. Wednesday after lunch, I knew Freddie had gym class, and a couple of other classes later. Travis and I snuck into the change room while Freddie was inside the gym running laps with his friends. He must have gotten into some kind of trouble. The gym teacher never made anyone run laps unless they had. We searched through the change room, it smelled like a mixture of dill pickle chips and body odor. We managed to find his locker, as it was pretty much vandalised with “Freddie was here” in black permanent marker and as we predicted, it was left unlocked. Travis pulled a pair of scissors out of his backpack and I pulled Freddie’s oversized jeans out of his gym bag. Travis cut a hole between the legs and then placed the jeans back in the bag, the same unorganized way we had found it. We quickly snuck out of the change room before gym class ended and waited by the water fountain in the hall to see the results of our first prank.
When Freddie exited the gym doors, he was wearing jeans that actually fit him, and there was no cut between the legs. He and his friends laughed as they exited the school hallway while a grade ten guy straggled behind them in boxer shorts.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting that.” Travis sighed.
I should have considered it though. It wasn’t like Freddie was the only guy in gym class, and I definitely wasn’t the only guy he picked on. I almost felt kind of bad for the tenth grader, but it wasn’t like I told Freddie to take his jeans anyway.
After the results of the first prank we decided we needed to step it up, but this time with something that wasn’t so “easily” avoidable. I had to remember the real reason I was in this. Dakota. I lived fine with her in my life even though Freddie was there. So Claira, Travis and I focused our Pranks on getting Dakota back.

The four of us, Dakota included spent the Saturday night at my house watching a movie on Netflix. Claira set out popcorn and root bear and we all sat on the couch. The initial reason we had planned the movie was to keep planning our pranks for Freddie. But coincidentally, Dakota didn’t have a date today and she jumped at the chance to see her friends again when Travis said he was going out, so we had to pass notes over each other in a line.
“Is there something I’m missing out on?” Dakota asked suspiciously as Claira passed a folded sheet of paper over her and to me.
We all shook our heads, “No.” We weren’t very convincing.
She rolled her eyes but turned back to the movie. I took the paper and opened it.
Vomit in his ear
I gagged and wrote back,
I don’t think that’s a prank
I passed the note back to Claira and she laughed and lipped silently that she’s explain later.
In the meantime, this was the first time Dakota had even come close to me since the first day of school. I finally had a chance to ask her what was wrong. I turned to her, but I didn’t know what to say. I started shaking like I had when I asked her out eight years ago.
“Are you okay?” Dakota asked me, whispering the best she could. She placed her hand on my shoulder, and out of nowhere I felt this sudden indignation.
I nodded, “Yeah I’m fine.”
She released a sigh, “Good. There’s no hard feelings between us right?”
What a silly question that was. She was being so nice too, and that definitely was not Dakota, she was probably mocking me. Or maybe she genuinely did feel bad. And she should feel bad.
“My feelings aren’t a joke, Dakota.” I whispered harshly.
She rolled her eyes, “You’re such a girl. I’m being serious.”
I felt the resentment fade away, “Why did you do it?”
Dakota looked down and then I started to feel a bit upset instead. She went through a long list of feelings she felt back in grade 9 about wanting a change, like I was the pages in her diary. She explained how she felt her life wasn’t advancing the way it should and that she was somehow being held back. So after a year of thought she decided something needed to go and the thing that needed to go was me. Then Freddie came along a couple of days later and things just escalated from there. It was as if the moment he found out we weren’t together anymore he took the prey and stepped in. I took that as my cue for action. Whatever this “vomit in his ear” prank Claira had in mind was, I hoped it was good.
Monday morning arrived and after homeroom, we waited for Mr. Peters to begin class. He was one of those strict teachers who went around the classroom as soon as the period started, collecting our phones and placing them in a box. Travis had always tricked Mr. Peter’s by telling him he had no phone, and today it was going to come in handy. When the teacher left the class room for his bathroom break he always seemed to take, Travis called my phone.
“Oh, sorry, let me just go shut that off.” I said raising from my seat and going to the front of the class with my backpack hanging from one arm.
After I shut off my phone, I pulled out the parmesan cheese I had put in this morning and sprinkled it into Freddie’s phone, carefully placing it back in the box. After I made my way back to my seat I waited for class to end and for the magic to begin.
In the halls during break period, Travis, Claira and I waited for Dakota and Freddie and enter the cafeteria. Surely enough, they did. Though they were holding hands, Dakota was significantly far away from Freddie and used her other hand to cover her nose.
“Ok seriously, Hun. You smell like vomit.” Dakota whined letting go of his hand.
Travis rolled his eyes, “I told you I don’t know what it is.” He crossed his arms, “You ain’t gotta say it so loud.”
Travis and I chuckled and fist pumped each other, anticipating how it would end.
“Kay, well until you figure it out I’m gonna go eat lunch with my friends.” And she strolled over to us as victory trumpets sounded off in my head.

Days later, since Dakota was on the fence with Freddie after she publicly embarrassed him about his “smell,” Travis and I decided we’d do a prank that directly affected their relationship. I didn’t want anything that would hurt Dakota’s feelings, but something that would make Freddie feel dumber than he was.
Travis had made a reservation for dinner at the Mandarin with Dakota that weekend and Claira told us. Using the same Mr. Peter’s bathroom break tactic, I quietly cancelled the reservation in class.
On Friday night while Claira was out with some other friends, Travis and I stayed at his house playing video games. Just as we reached the end of the racing game we played the TV setting were changed to the DVD settings. We turned to seer Dakota with a look on her face like she could have murdered someone.
“Woah.” Travis breathed, “What’s your problem?”
Dakota placed a DVD in the player and sat beside me on the couch, “Sorry. Freddie has just been getting on my nerves lately. If you don’t mind I’d rather be alone.”
Travis and I exchanged a look, but we both left her alone and I headed home. I had homework to do anyway.
I hadn’t been expecting her to be so angry, just a little agitated. They probably just had to wait a bit longer and go through some computer problems. It was no big deal. But then again, Dakota did have a temper, and a tendency to make you feel small, and that probably wasn’t complimenting Freddie’s ego, but he needed to be brought down a few notches anyway.
On Saturday night, Claira was hanging out with Dakota. The two of them always had each other’s backs, so I assumed that Dakota would believe pretty much anything Claira told her. Travis and I had come up with a totally not real and completely imagined story of Freddie secretly cheating on Dakota with a tall blonde model from Germany. We figured it would make sense if she didn’t go to our school so we could make sure no one else got involved in their couple problems. We told her a lot of people had seen them around at the mall or out to dinner and that he must have canceled their date to be with her. We hoped she was gullible enough to believe it. It was slightly far fetch but she was mad at him already and didn’t really have reason not to believe it.
When Claira arrived home from the Holly house hold, I was waiting right at the front steps. “Well?” I asked, waiting for her response,
“Well what?” She asked nonchalantly.
I rolled my eyes, “Did she believe you?”
Claira walked into the house and I got up and followed behind her, “I think so.” She replied.
“Think? Think isn’t good enough Claira. Do you want to break them up or not.”
“Um, not.” She laughed, sort of condescendingly. “She’s not my girlfriend. Don’t you think it’s better that she’s with someone else now? You guys were together for eight years. That’s not normal. Teenagers are supposed to be having fun. Not being married.”
I shook my head, “But we’re not like everyone else.”
“You mean you’re not.” She replied. “You guys aren’t a ‘we’ anymore. You’re just Carson and she’s just Dakota.” She walked around me and went upstairs to her room.
I thought she was in on this? Then again she was best friends with her. I couldn’t have expected her to go along with it so well anyway. From this point on, It was just me and Travis.

Monday morning arrived and I was surrounded by a bunch of Freddie’s friends as soon as I entered the school. My heart began pounding in my chest. This was just like back in elementary school.
“I know what you’re doing, Carson.” I heard a deep intimidating voice say. Freddie stood by the lockers with his arms crossed. I swear I saw a vein bulging out of his neck.
My eyes darted to the opposite direction, “Huh?”
Freddie scoffed, “I ain’t that dumb, loser. I saw you with the phones in Peters’ class. No one but me ever touches my phone. So it’s gotta be you.” He slowly stepped towards me, grabbing my flannel shirt collar and pulling me closer to him, “If you know what’s good for you I’d back off.”
His breath smelled like hotdogs and garlic and I winced as he breathed. I was expecting a fist to face any second, till we were interrupted by a girl’s voice.
“What do you think you’re doing, Freddie?” It said.
Freddie let go of my collar and the two of us looked to the entrance of the school. Dakota walked toward us and nudged Freddie away, “What are you picking on him for this time?”
“This has nothing to do with you.” He argued.
“Don’t lie to me again!” She argued back.
“I wasn’t lying the first time!” He yelled.
I took that as my cue to get out of there.
I hadn’t seen Freddie for the rest of the day. He even skipped class, I guessed  it was so I couldn’t mess with his phone again. Travis suggested that the two of us come up with one last prank to get him back for what he did in school, since it looked like Dakota was going to end that relationship by herself anyway. I didn’t want to get involved with Freddie again so I let him go alone on whatever this plan he had was.

Midway through the week as I was getting ready for school in the morning with Claira, the doorbell rang. It was just passed 5:30, who in their right mind would be at someone’s door that early? Claira and I crept through the house to the front Window. Barrie had a tendency to be a dangerous place every once in a while. Back in 2007 there were said to be sex offenders in the neighborhood. Just about every mom in the area was freaking out. They even started a neighborhood watch club.
We both looked through the window. Standing outside on the porch was Freddie again. He was covered in water and he looked vulnerable. It was the strangest thing I’d seen in my life. At least the strangest thing I’d seen from anyone besides Travis.
I walked over to the door and slowly opened it, “Freddie McBee.” I stated.
“Carson Dawn.” He replied “You gonna let me in or what?”
What a jerk. “Sure.”
I stepped aside and let Freddie in the house, he sat down on the step and looked around the lobby. “This house is huge.”
I nodded, “Yeah well, when people try in school they make money.”
Freddie rolled his eyes, “I wanted to talk to you about Dakota.”
This was new. Claira joined me on the little bench by the door and we listened to Freddie’s story. Freddie had always gone to school with us, and apparently he had also always had a crush on Dakota and had always been jealous of our relationship. He hated that we were close and that’s why he started to pick on me. It only got worse once I finally asked her out, and much, much worse when we started going through puberty. That was right about the time he started calling me “gay.”
When he found out Dakota and I broke up, he jumped at the chance to finally get her. And she wasn’t really sure the whole time. It took the whole first month of summer to convince her that he was a good guy and he had promised that he wouldn’t pick on me once she said she’d date him. That explained why he hadn’t bothered he until he found out I was messing with him.
All of a sudden I felt kind of guilty. Which actually really pissed me off. He picked on me for years and I was the one feeling like I did something wrong. I started to resent that sensitive side of me that my mom loved so much.
Freddie then went on to explain that Dakota had dumped him. He was upset that it didn’t last that long, but he was also kind of happy. He found that despite being cute and having an interesting split sort of personality, but she was in his words “petty.” I was surprised he even knew what that meant. But I guessed he was right. But it was okay, because I’m petty too.
I left for school happy that day. Dakota and Freddie had broken up and all was right with the world again. I couldn’t wait for lunch to finally speak to her again, and maybe get her back now that she knew Freddie wasn’t the right guy for her. But when I entered the cafeteria, everyone was laughing and pointing at the opposite entrance. By the door was Freddie covered in what looked like sloppy joe from the school kitchen.
His face had this this monstrous look, and it didn’t help that the sloppy joe climbed down his skin in big gross chunks. He looked directly at me and walked toward me. “I told you we broke up.” He said in a low voice.
I nodded, “I know.” My voice cracked like a 12 year old.
Travis furrowed his brow and turned from me and chuckled under his breath, “To think I thought we could be friends.” He whispered.
 
The last thing I remembered was seeing Freddie’s fist in my face. When I woke up, I was lying in bed. I winced as I felt a rush of pain in my right eye and my left arm. I placed my hand on my eye and stared up at the plain white ceiling. Freddie must have beat me up. Now I finally knew what it feel like to be in one of those infamous fights he had.
“You ok?” Someone asked.
I turned to my left and saw Dakota. She sat there with her arms crossed and a concerned look on her face.
I nodded and smiled, even though it hurt, “Yeah I’m good.”
Dakota covered her mouth and giggled, “You look like a Dalmatian with those bruise spots.” She stared out the window beside me and her smile faded away, “Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Prank Freddie like that. And such a stupid way too. At least the cheese in the phone was funny. That sloppy joe thing was just juvenile.”
I groaned, “That wasn’t me. It must have been Travis. Freddie and I made up this morning and I must have forgotten to tell him.”
Dakota nodded, “Yeah that does seem like something my brother would do. Can you believe he’s graduating this year?” We both laughed.
The two of us sat there in silence for a while. This was the first time we had been alone together since we broke up. Despite probably looking like crap, I supposed now was the time to try to get her back.
“Dakota,” I began, “How about after I heal a bit, the two of us go for dinner?” I asked nervously.
Dakota smiled and shook her head. She raised from her seat and walked over to the white patients’ bed I lay on. She kissed my forehead and smiled, “I can’t.”
I furrowed my brow, “Well why not?”
Dakota looked up, seemingly at nothing. Again I was hearing another story. That same reason she broke up with me, wanting change, came up. She had thought what she needed was someone new in her life. But what she really seemed to need was to be alone. When she thought about it, she realized there had been eight whole years of her life that she hadn’t been single. Eight whole years and she was only 16. That was half of her life that had taken place linked to another and she wasn’t even an adult yet. She claimed she needed time alone get to know herself. Which made sense. Maybe I needed some of that too instead of depending on her so much. She loved me, but she said for now we needed to be apart. And I could respect that.

Months had passed since the whole sloppy joe incident. Dakota and I were still apart and I still missed being with her but I was okay now. We still hung out and we were still friends, and for now that was good enough. And I had even made a new friend. Freddie wasn’t so bad once you got passed the clothing and the horrible way he chose to speak. But they say when you hang out with someone enough you start to become like them. Maybe some of my enunciation would rub off on him, and some of his testosterone would rub off on me. Maybe After I became more of a “man,” Dakota would take me back one day. But I was willing to wait a few years if I needed to.